Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

Los Pinos.
The poorest neighborhood in Honduras.
The most dangerous neighborhood in Honduras.
The most broken place in Honduras.
The most hope in Honduras.
 
My team was ministering in Los Pinos this week.
It’s one of those places you really can’t explain in words.
It’s a barrio.
It’s dirty.
It’s ugly.
It’s rough.
But God is there.
 
All of the boys who live here at Zion’s Gate came from Los Pinos.
Their previous homes?
Slabs of wood and sheet metal with a few nails holding them together.
Entire families living in single rooms with not even one bed.
And these “homes" are literally on the side of a mountain.
So getting to ANY of them is extremely difficult and extremely dangerous.
Circumstances in which no one should have to live.
 
We went into our first day in Los Pinos not really sure what to expect.
After two 30 miniute bus rides and another 30 minute walk into the heart of the neighborhood, we came across Herman.
 
Sitting in his house.
Bright red.
Tears streaming down his face.
Staring us down.
Extremely angry.
Extremely high.
Extremely hurt.
 
Herman is 17.
One week ago, Herman was living at Zion’s Gate with us.
A joyful, athletic, hard-working guy.
Strong in his faith.
A great role-model for the younger boys.
 
But some stuff happened.
And it became in everyone’s best interest to send Herman back to Los Pinos for the time being.
 
So there he was.
And it broke my heart.
 
It broke my heart that he was getting high off of paint thinner right in front of my eyes.
It broke my heart that he chose this. He had been sober for 4 months. It was no longer an addiction.
It broke my heart when he slammed the door in my face.
It broke my heart that he was telling Jesus that He was no longer enough.

It broke my heart that I knew him.
He wasn’t just some statistic or some story.
I knew him.
I knew his heart and his potential.
And there was a lot of it.
And that’s what killed me.
 
For the rest of that day, I could not get that picture of him out of my mind.
Especially during worship.
I was trying to pray for him.
It wasn’t working.
And that’s when God hit me.
 
“Abby, the way you saw Herman today…that’s you.”
 
Woah woah woah woah woah.
Ok now, God, really?
I know I’m not perfect, but I’m nothing like that.
I’m a good kid.
I’m a great role-model.
What are you talking about, God?
 
And He said it again,
“That’s you.”
 
So I began to listen.
And He began to show me how that is me.
And how, in my sin, I break His heart just as much as Herman broke mine that day.
And that hurt.
It hurt a lot.
 
But it hurt good.
Because we need to be convicted like that.
We need to be told by God that our sin breaks His heart.
And that needs to break ours.
 
And that’s what happened to me that night.
He absolutely tore up my heart for the way my sin tears up His.
And I’ll tell you what, I will never look at my sin the same way.