Ok. So I'm a procrastinator. I'm only blogging right now because I'm putting off packing. I leave for Florida with my family in the morning and I haven't yet packed a thing. But hey, all I really need is every swimsuit I own, my Bible, and nothing else, right? Right.
I need to blog more. Because LOTS has changed since my last post. And it's only fair that I keep y'all updated 🙂
So I was looking at my last (and only) post so far, and honestly, I'm embarassed by it. The doubt, the fear, the stress, the anxiety that I was overwhelmed with when I wrote that? So silly. SO silly. I had it ALL wrong, guys. I'll admit, I was not trusting. I wanted to believe that God would provide, but I was really believing that God was limited by my own human fundraising abilities.
News flash: HE'S NOT.
God is NOT limited to what we can do on our own. Not even close. He's GOD. And He showed me this big time.
If I'm being completely honest, I was having lots of doubts about even going on this trip at all. After so much excitement and anticipation, all of a sudden I found myself thinking that maybe this wasn't His will for me after all. Maybe it was all my own idea and plan. Maybe I was meant to go on a different trip. Or maybe I was meant to go on no trip at all. Missions made no sense for a good week. Satan was attacking me and it was working. I was so confused.
And then God stepped in. As He always does. And he made it so so SO crystal clear that this IS His will and that He DOES want me to go and that it IS worth it. It is worth it because He said it is worth it. I still don't 100% get it, but He said, "Go" and He's GOD, so I'm going.
As soon as that happened, it was basically, "Ok, God, YOU told me I have to go, so it's YOUR job to provide."
And bam. All of a sudden, all my anxiety was gone. For the first time, I was okay with not knowing how I was going to get the money because I knew that I was indeed going to get the money. Somehow. Because God was on it. He doesn't call people to things that He's not going to equip them for.
And then, as soon as I stopped worrying, all this money just started showing up. I don't even know where it all came from really, but I do know that my funds have about doubled since that last post, which was less than a month ago.
God wants me to trust. He wants me to give Him control. He wants to teach me how to be patient, how to perservere, how to be humble. And He is. And I am thankful. This is truly part of the journey. I'm learning to really trust. I'm learning to really pray. I'm learning to lose my pride. And to step out of my comfort zone. Daily. All for Jesus' sake. And it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. And I'm far from perfect at it. But I'm getting better. And I'm loving every second of it.
