Jesus.
is awesome.
He is so real and so good that i’m almost at a loss for words.
but at the same time, i know i need to write.
so here goes nothin.
over the past few months at home, Jesus has showed me so much of Himself.
and what i mean by that is He has been doing things here that before i had only seen Him do in other places.
i met Jesus in america. and i fell in love with Jesus in america.
but i really got to know Jesus outside of america.
it was in thailand that He really showed me how much He loved me.
in africa that He taught me how to discern His voice.
and in honduras that He proved that He healed people. and that He could use me to do it.
i preached in front of large churches.
i prophesied over complete strangers.
i prayed for healings and people were healed.
i saw angles. regularly.
there were nights that i would find myself covered in gold dust. and it was normal.
weird was normal.
i prayed for weird, life was weird, and weird was normal.
then i came back to america.
and weird was weird again.
i wasn’t surrounded by 25 other weirdos for jesus anymore and normal became normal again.
i tried my best to hold onto the weird.
like i’d get prophetic words for people all the time. and give them every once in a while.
so that was a good effort, right?
maybe i’d pray healing over someone if jesus just wouldn’t give up on it. but timidly. and i’d flee as soon as i was done.
i worshiped. and i prayed. i believed. and i still loved jesus.
so it didn’t make sense to me why nothing seemed to work here as it did overseas.
it didn’t make sense that angels would be real and visible in one country, but not in another.
it didn’t make sense that he would speak to me clearly in one place and not in another.
it didn’t make sense that gold dust would fall on me when i was in prayer in one place and not in another.
overseas, it was so easy. jesus was all i had. he was all anyone had. if someone was injured, and i prayed healing over them, it was jesus’ time to shine. it was all or nothin. there was no ‘we can go to the hospital after this prayer if it doesn’t work,’ it was ‘this sure as heck better work, because if it doesn’t, we’re screwed.’
and it always did. because God is a good Daddy.
but here, we have alternatives. we have money and medicines and hospitals and resources.
we have an internet that turns the Holy Spirit into science.
we have basically anything we could need to do the job of God.
we don’t need Him.
so in a country with technology and good hospitals and antidepressants, how do we even get Him?
in a country with everything that we could need at our fingertips, how do we obtain God?
are you ready for the answer?
we want Him.
no. like really. it’s that simple. we want Him.
we want Him so badly that nothing else will suffice.
we desire Him so strongly that we no longer desire anything else.
we are hungry for His word. and thirsty for His very presence.
when you are hungry, what do you want? you want food! of course.
and when you are thirsty? a drink!
a hungry person cannot be satisfied by being given stone.
and a person’s thirst cannot be quenched by anything other than a drink.
we have to want Him like that.
the kind of want that makes every single other thing in the world completely undesirable next to Him.
we have to be hungry for Him. and only Him.
i’ve been in america and settled. settled for the stuff and the resources and the distractions.
settled for the Jesus who meets you in church on sunday, but seems pretty MIA the rest of the week.
i’ve settled for living a life i knew was a lie because i knew who He really was and what He really was about; i just didn’t know how to live it here, because i couldn’t see Him working here.
i wasn’t satisfied.
i was hungry.
so i started running after what i knew about Him.
violently. with everything i had.
if He wasn’t real and at work here, i was about to find out.
but He proved to me the exact opposite. that He was.
He proved to me that He is exactly the same. everywhere.
He led me to an awesome community who lives out this same weird life that i’ve stumbled into.
and He has blessed my hunger.
because hunger leads to intimacy,
and through the intimacy flows the supernatural,
He has begun to made weird life normal again.
and i am not even a little bit ashamed of it.
yes, i’ve gotten some of the weirdest words and prayed healing over people in some of the weirdest places latey,
but that’s not even the best part.
the best part is how He has made everything besides Himself so dim and unappealing.
and all i want is more.
the supernatural stuff is awesome. but i want you all to understand. that can’t be the main focus.
it will naturally come from that main focus, but it can’t compete with it.
and the main focus is a love affair with Him.
He continues to woe me deeper and deeper in love with Him.
and it is the most beautiful thing i have ever experienced.
and i know it will never stop.
because i decide never to let it.
because there is always more.
and i have decided to always want it.
with all my heart kinda want it.
this Jesus stuff is serious, guys.
if you take Him seriously, and won’t settle for anything less, you’ll get Him.
if you search, He promised you’d find, didn’t He?
a couple of nights ago, one of my friends fell down the stairs and broke her wrist.
she was in excruciating pain since.
she is also just figuring out this whole Jesus thing.
tonight, some of us prayed for her.
yeah, for her wrist. but mostly just for Jesus. mostly just for whatever we felt Him saying.
and He wrecked her. she was laughing harder than i’ve seen. sweating more than ever. could barely stay standing.
“what is this!?” she shouted! “it’s so good! don’t let it stop!”
Jesus did His thing and it was good and after a long while, we were about to leave.
(at this point, we all have gold dust on our hands, and she is absolutely amazed and also skeptical.)
“take off your cast,” i told her. i didn’t even think about it. i didn’t even say it on purpose. it just came out of my mouth.
so she began to unwrap it. and looked up at me with the most shocked look on her face.
just this morning, she had a new cast put on. and when she did, her entire arm was bruised black and blue. that and she couldn’t mover her wrist.
when she took this cast off, nothing. perfectly clear and clean. and she moved her wrist. no pain. she couldn’t feel a thing. just like it had never been broken.
her response? “brain, you’re wrong!”
because all she could think about was how this didn’t make sense. how it was logically and scientifically impossible.
but Jesus.
He’s bigger than our brains, our logic, and science.
and He healed her just because He loves her, guys.
and guys, He loves you too.
He wants to do this stuff to you. and through you.
but He wants you to want it.
guys…america…
He doesn’t change.
our desire for Him does.
He is here.
ready to speak.
ready to move.
ready to heal.
what are you hungry for?
are you hungry for Him?
challenge: fast.
if you are reading this and want to want more, but you just don’t want it yet;
if you’re still asking how to be hungry,
i challenge you to fast.
ask Him from what.
it doesn’t have to be food.
you can fast from technology, sugar, the radio, social media, anything really.
it doesn’t have to be something necessarily bad, just something that can distract you from Him.
look it up in the bible. it worked there. it still works today. i promise.
so if you feel lost, there’s a place to start.
<3 Abby
