Lately, I have been receiving lots of notes, messages, and e-mails from family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers telling me how amazing of a person I am for giving up 9 months of my life to serve the Lord and His people overseas.
I want to clear a couple things up with y’all:
1.) I am NOT a good person.
In fact, I’m a pretty terrible person. I say mean things, I think bad thoughts, I make promises I don’t keep, I lie, I cheat, and I only shower about once a week.
The fact that I’ve spent the past two and a half months in Honduras does not make me a good person.
I’m still a filthy sinner. I still fall short of the glory of God. I still don’t deserve His love, or even His forgiveness. What I deserve is His justice and wrath. But He never gives me what I deserve. He already gave that to His son, His son who did not deserve it. And He did that so that I could be called righteous, even though I am anything but righteous.
So I deserve wrath. But He gives me grace. A new grace every day. And I accept it. Every day. With wide opened arms.
And that’s why my life looks the way it does:
Not because I am good, but because He is good. Not because of anything I’ve done or am in the process of doing, but all because of what He has already done. All because of the cross.
I'm not doing anything here. Seriously. I'm not. I'm just allowing Him to do things. Through me. I’m allowing my perfect Father to continually make my bad self better. I’m allowing Him to redeem me day by day. He doesn’t force me to, but I choose Him and His plan, and, in return, He showers me with goodness. Goodness that is not inherently part of me, but is only achievable through Him. Goodness that we can never earn, but can only accept. Through His grace and His grace alone.
Now that we've got that straight…
2.) I am not giving up ANYTHING.
Nothing. Nada. Nope.
Yeah, I’m away from my family for almost a year. And yeah, I had to leave my friends behind. But I have given up nothing that I am not receiving much more for in return. My bed, my clothes, and the comfort of my home are so trivial compared to the way I am seeing God move, change, love, and redeem His children all over the world. I am in the midst of all the excitement. I get to watch light conquer darkness on a daily basis. And I get to be a part of it. I am being used by the Almighty God. And people admire me for giving up everything? I am gaining everything.
