Vulnerability & Shame (the 2 things I never wanted to blog about)

Ok, it’s time to get vulnerable with y’all again.
(If only you knew how much I hate being vulnerable.)
 
But I need to talk to you about shame.
Shame is an ugly thing.
Shame is not sin, but shame is the result of sin.
Shame is the conviction that, “Hey, you just did something really bad. Therefore, you should feel bad about it.”
Shame is darkness.
Shame is guilt.
Shame is natural. And normal. And it has its place.
But shame is not something to live in.
[And that’s where I’ve been failing lately.]
 
Shame, by its very own nature, is a direct product of The Fall.
Adam and Eve were in the garden, and everything was good.
Until they decided to eat the fruit off of the one tree that God told them not to touch.
The first act of disobedience.
The first sin.
And immediately, they felt shame.
They had been naked all along and there had been no shame.
But now, now that they had sinned, they knew that they were naked.
And they felt shame about it.
All of a sudden, they had something to hide.
And this was the beginning of shame.
 
Now, shame isn't always 100% bad.
It can convicts us of our sin.
And it can push us into repentance.
So, it can be good.
In moderation.
But shame is not something to live in.
 
Shame comes from the fear that if someone saw all of you; if they knew everything you had done in your past, they wouldn’t want anything to do with you now.
Shame comes from the fear that neither people nor God will accept your crap.
Therefore, shame keeps us caught in our sin.
Shame causes us to walk in a terrible darkness.
 
But here’s the thing:
 
As children of God, we are no longer sinners, but sons and daughters of the King!
Yes, we still sin, but we are no longer defined by our sin.
We sin, but that sin is not who we are anymore.
That sin has been forgiven.
When Jesus said, “It is finished!” (John 19:30), He meant it.
To live in shame is to tell God that you don’t really believe this. You don’t really believe in His forgiveness. And if that's the case, Him sending His son to die for you was sadly, pretty ineffective. 
 
I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve been living in a whole lot of shame lately.
And I keep walking in this shame because I just keep sinning.
The same sins I’ve struggled with for years, I just keep struggling with.
Even on the mission field.
But I am caught in so much shame about what I have done and what I am doing, that I am disabling myself to move on and out of it.
By not trusting God’s forgiveness, I am disabling God’s forgiveness.
 
So, the ugly fact is, I’ve been walking in all of this shame.
But the beautiful truth is, I’m ready to step out of it.
And the way to walk out of shame is to confess things.
And that’s what God’s been teaching me.
He’s been teaching me to be honest. With myself. With others. And with Him.
He’s been teaching me to open up. No matter how hard it is.
He’s been teaching me to answer people when they ask me questions.
And that it’s not only ok, but good to be vulnerable.
About your past. And about your now.
 
So, I’m ready to choose into this.
I’m ready to choose to believe in God’s forgiveness.
And I’m ready to walk in it every day.
I'm ready to expose things in the light instead of hide them in the darkness.
I’m ready to stop living in secrecy.
I’m ready for my past to be my past. And for it to not define my future.

So this is me saying yes, God.
I’m ready to walk out of this shame.
And I’m ready to walk into Your freedom.
I’m ready to walk in Your light.

Instead, we have renounced shameful secret things, not walking in deceit or distorting God’s message, but commending ourselves to every person’s conscience in God’s sight by an open display of the truth.
-2 Corinthains 4:2
 
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light – for the fruit of the light results in all goodness, righteousness, and truth – discerning what is pleasing to the Lord. Don’t participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what is done by them in secret. Everything exposed by the light is made clear, for what makes everything clear is light.
-Ephesians 5: 7-13